Procrastinating

It has been a long time since I have visited my blog, but tonight I need to set down to writing.

I could throw a million excuses into the air, and I will. New baby, no sleep, a two year old, the loss of a dear friend, adopting a new friend, work, family committments, yada, yada, yada.

All valid excuses. Bottom line, I take on too many things. I have a hard time saying no to people. It is a weekness of mine, but the creation of the Lawrence Thomas pseudonym was about change. It was about finishing what I started, about new beginnings. About finding passion in the one part of my life where it was missing. And an important part I would say as 40 hours of my week is dedicated to that piece of me. More than that if you count the stress that follows me home many days.

I am proud of my name, proud of who I am and where I come from. Proud of my family and what I have accomplished in my 35 years. Regrets, we all have them but I also know there is nothing we can do about the past. We can change the future and try to right those mistakes, and Lawrence Thomas is simply about that. Lawrence Thomas is still a husband, a father, a writer, and someone who loves people and animals and the earth he resides on, but Lawrence Thomas is not affraid. Affraid of his dreams, and his fears. This change was about making a change. To stop complaining about what I am not happy about, and to start working at trying to be happier - more content, and none of that has to do with family or friendships or any personal part of my life. It all has to do with wanting more. Not more money, not fancy cars or a million dollar home, but to have passion in every aspect of my life.

Maybe that passion lies in my current job somewhere? Maybe it exists in my writing or in my art, or maybe I simply have not yet found that passion for all I know?

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Today, I am writing about someone who inspires me; Who is living his dream. Someone who has found passion through compassion.

To me, it is not enough to be successful. I need to find that success and know I am genuinely making a difference in life. First and formost, I want to make a difference in my own families lives. My family and friends are what is most important to me. Even though I may not see many of them for months on end, there are few days that go by where I don't think about them. Facebook has become a good way to keep in touch, but for those that are either not on here, or don't frequent this space as much as I do, I lose touch for months on end. I guess it's a guy thing. I am not the best with the phone. I haven't liked talking on them since my teen years when I would lye in bed for hours with one stuck to my ear while my love interest and I would listen to one another breath for hours on end.

My wife, my children, my parents, sister, grandparents, friends, dog, cat ... I am very lucky to have the best of every world there, but is that enough if one does not have passion in the thing he choses to make his every day?

How can one have everything; a new car, a nice home, great neighbors (for the most part), a wonderful family, great friends, and a job many would give their left arm to have, and yet still have something missing? I feel so ingratefull. So spoiled, and perhaps I am. I know I am. I know what I want. Is that a bad thing? If what I wanted was a red lamborgini and a mansion and un yaht, ya, I would say I was greedy. But all I want, is passion.

I wouldn't trade my family in for anything. My life for that matter, but professionally, I need to figure out what it is that I am not happy with, and fix it, or move on.

This journey may take a little while, but it's time to stop wandering around aimlessly with my thoughts, and do something about it. Starting with finishing something I started a long time ago - tonight.

So as the sun sets over the autum trees that surround my backyard, and my puppy starts to tire from chasing her own tail and chewing sticks, so my inner mission begins.